It’s that moment we all wish for at a Bruce Springsteen show:
“We’re gonna try out some songs we ain’t played yet… we’re gonna fly by the seat of our pants a little bit, alright?”
Heck yes! Bring it on, Bruce–what are we getting? A brand-new unreleased song? A cool tribute cover? A missing-in-action classic, perhaps?
That’s what I imagine was going through the minds of Bruce’s Swedish audience that night of June 17, 1992. But what they got was the world premiere of a serious contender for Bruce Springsteen’s worst song ever:
I cringe every time I watch that clip. Bruce tries so hard to sell the song, delivering an over-the-top performance for a song that started out that way.
As for the studio track, Ultimate Classic Rock called it “an embarrassment.” Rolling Stone cited it as one of 22 Terrible Songs by Great Artists. When Backstreets.com wanted to punk readers on April Fools Day a couple of years back, they announced a promotional release of “the legendary ‘Real Man’ single, initially planned as a U.S. follow-up to the ‘57 Channels (And Nothin’ On)‘ single in 1992 but never released.”
That’s how dismissively “Real Man” is considered by most critics and fans, to the degree it’s considered at all. (As for me, I’d rank it third from the bottom, just above “I’ll Stand By You” and “Cover Me.”)
But we must ask ourselves: does “Real Man” really deserve all that scorn? Let’s do the right thing and take a close listen with an open mind:
Oh yeah, that track sucks.
What a waste of some serious talent. (That’s David Sancious playing the organ and Randy Jackson on bass, although I suspect they might both prefer that information to stay under the radar.)
As for the lyrics, well even Bruce felt the need to issue a disclaimer before performing it each night: “This next song is a very corny song, so corny I almost threw it off the damn record… but uh, but I guess I’m gonna do it here tonight.”
Took my baby to a picture show
Found a seat in the back row
Sound came up, lights went down
And Rambo he was blowing ’em down
I don’t need no gun in my fist baby
All I need is your sweet kiss
To get me feeling like a real man
You know, one would think that Bruce would have learned after “I’m a Rocker” that pop culture references rarely age well.
Feeling like a real man
Well you can beat on your chest
Hell any monkey can
But you got me feeling like a real man
Oh feeling like a real man
As choruses go, this one’s pretty, um, primitive–maybe a cut above “Ooh ooh I got a crush on you.”
Speaking of “Crush on You,” if our first exposure to the next two verses was on paper without the music playing, we might wonder if they were deleted scenes from it–they have virtually the same cadence and construction.
Me and my girl Saturday night
It’s a late movie on Channel Five
The girls were dropping, they’re dropping like flies
To some smooth-talking cool-walking private eye
I ain’t got no nerves of steel
But all I got to know is if your love is real
To get me feeling like a real man
Well now I ain’t no fighter that’s easy to see
And as a lover I ain’t going down in history
But when the lights go down and you pull me close
Well I look in your eyes and there’s one thing I know
Baby I’ll be tough enough
If I can find the guts to give you all my love
Then I’ll be feeling like a real man
In fact, the similarities don’t stop there. Both “Crush on You” and “Real Man” contain dated pop culture references, and they both have super-corny lyrics. So why does one work while the other one doesn’t?
I’ll argue that it’s the arrangement and the production. Yes, “Crush on You” is as corny as they come, but the arrangement crunches and rocks–it’s aggressive, almost dangerous.
“Real Man” on the other hand… well, let’s just say there’s nothing dangerous about that track. The backing track suits the lyrics to a tee, and in this case that is not a good thing.
Now I know I’ve been hating on “Real Man” throughout this post, so let me end by saying two things in its defense:
First, Bruce wrote it when he had finally found real love, happiness, and satisfaction. If you write what you know, that’s what’s going to come out in song. Over time, I think Bruce learned how to write happy songs without tipping over into diabetic territory, but in 1990 just being happy and satisfied was a new experience for Bruce.
So when I hear “Real Man” I hear my hero–a man who has battled against depression his entire adult life–absolutely joyful and giddy. I may not like the song, but I love knowing that he felt the way he did when he wrote it.
Second: I can’t believe I’m writing these words, but I’d actually kinda like to see Bruce try a harder arrangement of “Real Man” in concert some time. (He hasn’t touched it in 28 years.) It may never be a great song, but I suspect there’s campy potential a la “Crush on You” if he can figure out the right way to unlock it.
I’d recommend starting by ditching those synths.
Real Man
Recorded: January-February 1990
Released: Human Touch (1992)
First performed: June 17, 1992 (Stockholm, Sweden)
Last performed: July 25, 1992 (East Rutherford, NJ)
Looking for your favorite Bruce song? Check our full index. New entries every week!
