Poor Bruce.
I know it’s hard to work up sympathy for one of the most talented, respected, and successful rock stars of all time.
After all, Bruce Springsteen has spent his entire life pursuing his passion, cultivating an audience that accepts if not embraces his every artistic decision, and still managing to live and raise a family a stone’s throw from his home town. And if he’s been plagued by demons like the rest of us, he can at least take satisfaction knowing he’s faced them and (for the most part) manages to keep them under control with the support of his family and good friends.
Still, won’t you join me in a sympathetic wince on Bruce’s behalf? Because despite the incredible polished body of work he’s produced over the years, there’s a ton of unfinished and unrecorded songs floating around that he almost certainly never intended to see the light of day.
It’s bad enough that pages circulate from his songwriting notebook from as far back as the age of eighteen. (How would you feel if your 18-year-old self’s poems and songs found their way onto the Internet?)
But when an untitled page of original Springsteen lyrics surfaced in an on-line auction in 2010, and the auction site helpfully labeled the song “Vaginal Vandals” (after a phrase that appears in the song but which in no way represents what the song is actually about)… well, I have to imagine there was some cringing in the Springsteen household that day.
Nevertheless, it’s a Springsteen-authored song (or at least the beginnings of one), and it’s out there, so according to my self-imposed rules, I gotta cover it.
And honestly, once we get past the awkward title–and I must point out that there’s no evidence on the page that Bruce had a title in mind yet, let alone this one–we actually have the seed of what might have turned into a fascinating early song. (Based on the themes and the notebook paper, I would peg these lyrics circa 1971 or 1972. (There are other escapees from this time period written on notebook paper that appear to match this one.))
“Vaginal Vandals” (we’re just going to have to call it that) focuses on a rebellious Catholic schoolboy, and while Bruce never really develops a plot, his first couplet does an admirable job of setting the stage.
She forgot you quit the altar boys ’cause you couldn’t reach the candles
They banned you from the sacristy, so you went and joined the vaginal vandals
We can also see what he was reaching for with that provocative phrase–more than a clever rhyme, it’s a two-word way of conveying that Bruce’s character traded his religious and academic devotion for more earthly pursuits–and yet, despite the bravado that he conveys throughout, there’s a sense that he’s not quite convincing himself with his rationalization, and that he can’t help but view his revolt through the lens the church fashioned for him.
You broke into the church and raided the poor box figuring you qualified
You skipped school and never changed your sox so mama would know where you stand
That last line is both clever and puerile, and with it Bruce establishes that our point-of-view character is probably rebelling more out of instinct than principle. The next couplet underlines that notion–the character’s impatience and frustration is palpable:
The nuns made you sit and listen to them give piano lessons, Oh holy in excelsis in A minor
If you ever needed muzak for an insane asylum, you’d sign her
From here, the pages devolves into snippets and phrases that Bruce was probably trying out: “hot rods and high school gods,” “senior class clod,” “ripened rifle range boys” and a reference to the Future Farmers of America suggest that “Vaginal Vandals” is more concerned with rebelling against school than against religion. (I’d love to know where Bruce would have taken that “I poured bourbon in my turbine” line though–that’s an awesome rhyme and terrific metaphor that would have been right at home in “Blinded by the Light.”)
We’ll likely never know for sure what Bruce had in mind when he wrote these lyrics.
Many of Bruce’s early songs–even his unfinished ones–contain lines, phrases, or images that would appear in his later work, but “Vaginal Vandals” appears unique and apart while still reflecting a very promising Springsteenian style.
If only it wasn’t saddled with that title.
Vaginal Vandals
Never recorded
Never performed
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